Many people admire Joyce Meyer; she is a wife, a mother, a preacher, a charity worker and a motivational speaker. I have listened to a lot of her messages and I must say I have been blessed by them but then I wonder, how does a woman who was raped by her father, verbally abused, left alone to fend for herself by her first husband preach about forgiveness, self esteem and temperament?
She’s a preacher that doesn’t say- “I just gave my life to Christ and wala things happened” she preaches with a voice that says I’ve been there and done that, I’ve been bad and I came through. She gave her life to Christ at a tender age but she kept struggling with acceptance, so like many her battle and stand as a christian was not over.
She read the bible like normal Christians, went for fellowships, she went to church but still Joyce didn’t understand love. Well not until she met him and no God did not come down from heaven to show Joyce how to balance her temperament; by the way she was choleric- Easily angered; bad-tempered, ambitious and leader-like.
Having a choleric temper may not be bad especially since you’re always self confident but you see the problem with them is that they have no listening ear,they like to be in control, they find it hard to forgive and want to always be in control and be right but everyone knows being controlling and too confident can affect some part of your life. Ladies, even when a man likes a self confident woman, being controlling can sometimes mean bad about you. Well that’s not the topic now
Joyce was always defensive; she played hard to get, defensive, she pushed people away until she met Dave- I truly respect that man by the way. He too needed a woman in his life, he was a growing christian and a man that took life easily- unlike Joyce that is and he said he prayed to God to give him a woman who needed help- now everyone knows that means looking for trouble but as God would have it, Joyce was the first woman he met after his prayer.
She said for the first eight years, the marriage was ruled by her mood swings, of cause she was a christian but when she was sad, she gave him a sad answer and when she was happy, she gave him a happy answer- now that should make you respect him because if we could visualize that, we would know it wouldn’t have been the easiest years, especially since it was the first eight years of their marriage but yes, he stayed and never cheated or threw a fist at her. We all know he lets her shine as the pastor and him as the administrator.
In life it really does take a strong man to love a broken woman and yes, it involves love and sacrifice, because being with someone is more than love itself. Their marriage isn’t perfect but whatever happened, strengthened her to become what she is today. Your partner can’t tick all the box and you can’t change them either.
The way and manner in which you love the people you love, says a lot about who you are. Forgiveness, love, peace, prayer help foster what we become in life.
It is surprising though how God sends someone that would love you no matter what- he didn’t try to change her, he didn’t look outside for a quickie- sure he prayed for better days and he got it. Kindly visit this link to watch their interview http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7Q6D18SgqU
A group of men can gather for anything and an argument would break out. It may be peaceful sometimes but just as when in the house, they want to be in control, they also feel the need to be ahead within themselves when they are together except of cause, when they gather for this.
From a keen observation, which I can’t say I totally enjoyed; one thing keeps men together. Am not talking about food here, so don’t conclude yet. It keeps them alive, gives them union regardless of skin color or race- this thing happens around the world and though little observation of what power it holds on them have been discussed, the spirit of football lives in every man. Oh and the commentators; how do those men think about what they say before they say it anyway; they are a funny lot I tell you.
I know some women love football but none beats the men who scream and wail when the game is on. We all know how they act and pay less attention to us when they play games on PS4 and PS3- so imagine a stadium or a house when the premier league is on.
What ever spirit that game has on them, I as a woman would never understand, especially since I do not necessarily see reasons to love football like my life, as they do. It is an interesting game no doubt but their love for it is what amazes me. By the way, it is called football by the Europeans and Soccer to Americans but it still does the same thing to all men.
Am one those women who do not see a reasons to buy a club shirt, a club blanket, shoe, key ring, muffler, cap, cup and so on but sure I see reasons to a new bag, a new shoe and a creative hair style and am sure there are many women like me who prefer shopping and others to watching football but I must confess, I surrender and bow down to the spirit of football that brings together a group of people who no matter their color, distance and race, scream and shout at the same goals all at once- what we women can’t make them do- if you get me.
I don’t even know what else to write about them and football, except of cause- football has a power over them that even we women sometimes don’t have.
Thanks to football though, we know where they are when they are at it. Permit me if I have written so little about this topic.
We hear people talk about love in relationships and many a time, we think that is the best place to find it, when in fact love is in everything. Its everything that ever matter and like the bible says, it is the greatest of all. 1 Corinthians 13:13
In loving our family members, we love those who will accept us no matter what, we love those who scold and embarrass us all in the name of teaching us a lesson; sadly sometimes some families forget that providing for us in clothing and money isn’t love. Most parents believe that in loving a child, the provision of clothes and money is most important; not a bad thing of cause but most times what a child needs is not some material provision, they also need to know that mummy and daddy sees them as the best which in turn builds the independent mind every child needs in and outside the home.
As friends, we find out that male counterparts laugh at anything; easily forgiving each other except of cause, when rivalry happens or some sort of jealousy which results from the pride one has over the other bossing that one around which sadly happens in female counterparts too but not for the same reasons. Female counterparts are easily emotional beings, they get carried away with words either from male counterparts or female counterparts who either complement or lavish them with whatever it is they want.
The feminine gender loves to be appreciated, she loves admiration, she loves optimistic words; you cannot remain a friend to a female gender, if you do not complement her character or her looks. The masculine gender loves to be pampered- he was pampered by his mother and he wants the same. However you love these two genders, doing it their way and loving them not matter their possession, is what matters.
In relationships, love is vital. No two relationships are the same and no one of them should be judged as so. No partner in a relationship, should be seen as a former and no one should be seen with the eye of an assumption.
Loving ourselves is also most important. The love we have for ourselves is what we give and see in others. Accepting our faults and working on them, helps us understand others when they hurt or love us. A child who is never loved, sees everyone else with a suspicious eye engaging in battles with people they meet, losing some love before one who loves them unconditionally by divine intervention come in to remain.
Love indeed is in every thing and it is needed for every circumstance. It is needed in families, to help keep violence off the streets, it is needed for friends who must be true to each other, it is needed in relationships where love is more than what keeps people together, it is needed in our lives to understand that the way we treat others is similarly how we want to be treated, it is needed for those who we do not know, because you must learn to pray for them and care for them when they are in need, like they were your best friends.
Learn to love with all your heart and accept the faults of others in your life.
Remember, anyone can love a rose but it takes a great heart to include the thorns.
For years I had low self-esteem and I did not like myself. I hated my personality and I hated the way my voice sounded. Somewhere along the line, through the abuse I had endured growing up, I internalized the shame. I was no longer ashamed of what was happening to me—I became ashamed of me. I was hurting and, consequently, was hurting other people.
Did you know that if you don’t like yourself, you are never going to like anybody else, and you won’t be able to help your spouse like himself or herself? You will spend all your time trying to prove your own value. Healing first comes by accepting yourself, knowing that where you are today is not where you will end up, and knowing that God is continually perfecting you, too. We all need to accept the unconditional love of God and acknowledge the fact that God doesn’t love us because of what we do – but because of who we are.
One morning, as I sat in my pajamas praying, the Lord said to me, “Joyce, I really can’t do anything else in your life until you do what I have told you to do concerning your husband.”
The Lord had been dealing with me because I was having problems being submissive. I had such a strong will and was still caught in my defensive attitude from being abused as a child. I was missing out on the blessings God was eager for me to enjoy.
After praying, I got up and went to take a shower in the new bathroom my husband Dave had just installed off our bedroom. Since he had not yet put up a towel rack, I laid my towel on the toilet seat and started to step into the shower.
Dave saw what I was doing and asked me, “Why did you put your towel there?”
Right away I could feel my emotions getting stirred up.
“What’s wrong with putting it there?” I asked in a sarcastic tone.
As an engineer, Dave answered with typical mathematical logic. “Well, since we don’t have a floor mat yet, if you put your towel in front of the shower door, when you get out you won’t drip water on the carpet while reaching for it.”
“Well, what difference would it make if I did get a little water on the carpet?” I asked in a huff.
Sensing the mood I was in, Dave just gave up, shrugged his shoulders, and went on his way.
As it turned out, I did what Dave had suggested, but I did it by angrily slamming the towel onto the floor. I did the right thing, but I did it with the wrong attitude.
As I stepped into the shower after throwing my towel on the floor, I was filled with rage. “For crying out loud,” I ranted to myself. “I can’t even take a shower in peace! Why can’t I do anything without somebody trying to tell me what to do?” In my frustration, I went on and on.
Although I was a Christian and had been in ministry teaching others for some time, I myself lacked control over my own mind, will, and emotions. It was three full days before I calmed down enough to get over that bath towel incident.
For those three days, I was the noisy gong and clanging cymbal described in 1 Corinthians 13.
Love is the highest form of maturity. It often requires a sacrificial gift. If love doesn’t require some sort of sacrifice on our part, we probably don’t love the other person at all. If there is no sacrifice in our actions, we are most likely reacting to something nice they did for us, or simply pretending to be kind to gain some control over them. Love is almost always undeserved by the person who receives it.
Our decisions should always have our spouse’s interests in mind. Even a mediocre marriage requires sacrifice. It is important to understand that true love gives of itself.
Sacrifice means you are not going to have your way all the time. This means both the husband and wife are called to love each other with unconditional love. There has to be sacrifice of selfish desires if a couple is going to enjoy a triumphant marriage. As for me, every day when I get up, I choose to have a good marriage. I’m not leaving that one for chance to decide!
This article is taken from Joyce’s audio teaching, Marriage That Works.
You can speak to him in any language; Joel Osteen says if you speak country, God talks country. Psalm 34; 15
The peace he would give to you, is one no mother, father, boyfriend, girlfriend, friend can give you. And believe me, that peace helps you live with others. Psalm 27:10
He can NEVER hate you. He is love himself, if you believe a man/woman you see can love you then believe God loves you more. Romans 8:38
You can never support his work/kingdom or even tell people about him and need anything. Sure you would want something but when the need arises, he brings people to sort you out. Matthew 25
There is NOTHING too hard for him. Jeremiah 32:27
He answers prayers. It may take longer for him to answer you, since you are calculating your days on human race and to him a thousand years is a day but when you are suppose to get the answer, he would answer you. John 15:16
He never chases after anyone. He would not beg you to serve him or put issues in your life for you to come to him; you only realize that all other things don’t matter except him, so yes you eventually look for him and yes when you look, you will find. 2 timothy 2:26
Whatever involves his name in all sincerity, he cannot throw aside- he hates people asking where is your God? He really takes his name serious- there is power in that name. Isaiah 48:11
You never pay your tithe and offering to a church, you pay it to him- no church will bless you for a tithe, but he says he will, he guarantees you that it is a test he always passes. Malachi 3:8
He never said you won’t have issues and face strongholds, he said he will be with you. So yes, he is with you. Isaiah 43:2
He did not say praise me when you have won and things are good, he said praise me IN all things. In the prison; paul and silas, as a barren woman; hannah. As a single woman looking for husband; Ruth and Esther. 1 Thessalonians 5:8
The simple truth is that men are somewhat different than women when it comes to cheating, and a lot of that difference arises from the fact that men tend to define infidelity rather loosely. Keep in mind this famous statement: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” More generally, most men would say that utilizing porn as a sexual outlet while in a primary, committed relationship is not cheating. (Most women would disagree, and for some anecdotal proof of this, heterosexual male readers should just ask their wife or girlfriend what she thinks.) So does viewing porn count as infidelity? If it does, then a whole lot of men are cheaters. What about sexting? What if the person you’re sexting with doesn’t live anywhere near you and there’s no chance you’ll ever hook up in-person? How about video chat? And while you’re video chatting does it matter if your or the other person’s clothes are off? How about if you are complaining to this other person about your current relationship? Etc.
Back in the pre-Internet days of yore the concept of cheating was pretty straightforward, as it involved actual in-the-flesh sexual contact. But nowadays a man in Paris, Texas can mutually masturbate, via webcam, with a woman in Paris, France. And should his wife or girlfriend discover this he can say, simply and in all sincerity, “But honey, it doesn’t mean anything. I mean, she’s thousands of miles away, I’ve never met her, and I’m never going to meet her. I don’t even know her last name. How can I be cheating with someone I’ll never see in person?” Men, in particular, appear to rely on their intellect – utilizing these kinds of digital word games – in order to continue and justify their extracurricular sexual behavior.
Some men will argue that, as men, it is their biological right/imperative to have sex with as many women as possible. In their opinion they need to spread their seed and propagate the human race because, apparently, they and they alone sit atop the Darwinian sexual food chain. Frankly, I hear this and similar excuses in my practice almost constantly. Rather than debating “the nature of being male” with such clients, which is hardly productive from a therapeutic standpoint, I remind them that when a man makes a vow of monogamy to a spouse or significant other and then breaks that vow, he is in violation of his relationship contract. I further remind some my more resentful male clients that they were not ever required to make such a vow, though by not doing so they may have lost the person they wished to be with. I then discuss with them the idea that infidelity is not defined by any specific act (sexual or otherwise), but rather by the keeping of secrets in an intimate relationship. I remind them that in an effort to meet their own less than empathic sexual agenda they have undermined their personal integrity while simultaneously dismissing their partner’s right to know that the “relationship rulebook” has been unilaterally revised.
To the more determined (read unempathic and/or self-focused), I sometimes suggest that it’s fine for them to be sexual outside of their primary, committed relationship, that it’s no problem to chat up old girlfriends on Facebook, to hire prostitutes, to go see strippers, to hook up for sex via dating sites and “friend finder” apps, and to look at porn for hours at a time as long their significant other knows about and is OK with that behavior. In other words, a guy can have as much sex outside his relationship as he wants, however and wherever he wishes, as long as he is doing it with integrity – meaning no lying, no double-life, and no keeping secrets from his primary partner. The underlying message here is that honesty and relationship transparency is the only meaningful path to genuine relationship intimacy, not to mention personal integrity and self-esteem. Needless to say, I’ve had few takers on this suggestion to date, despite 22 years of clinical practice.
By far the most common justification I hear from men who cheat is “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” It never ceases to amaze me how many men truly believe that misguided statement. In reality, most cheated-on partners sense, at the very least, the emotional distancing that accompanies a man’s sexual infidelity and affairs. Let’s face it, if a guy is a good liar, his woman (or man) may not know the details of what goes on behind her (or his) back, but betrayed partners nearly always know thatsomething is up. For them it’s like radar. Maybe it’s an innate and unconscious evolutionary trait developed to protect the family from dissolution. Either way, the bottom line is simple: The cheater never fully gets what he wants in this situation – meaning the clean getaway – as infidelity is nearly always discovered eventually, and when discovery happens it inevitably comes with devastatingly painful consequences.
Ten Reasons Why Men Cheat
Men who engage in sexual and romantic entanglements after making a vow of monogamy do so for a variety of underlying psychological reasons. The most common of these reasons are:
- He’s a liar. He never intended to be monogamous, despite his commitment. He doesn’t understand that his vow of fidelity is a sacrifice made to and for his relationship and the person he professes to love. This man views monogamy as something to be worked around rather than embraced.
- He is insecure. Deep down he feels that his is too young, too old, too fat, too thin, too poor, too stupid, or too whatever to be desirable. He uses flirtation, porn, and extramarital sex as a way to feel better about himself, to reassure himself that he is still desirable, worthwhile, and “good enough.”
- He is immature. He thinks that as long as his wife/girlfriend/partner doesn’t find out, he’s not hurting anybody. He doesn’t understand that significant others near always know when something is up. He doesn’t “get it” that his partner will eventually find out what’s been going on, and when that occurs it won’t be pretty.
- He is damaged. Perhaps he is acting out early trauma experiences, such as physical abuse, neglect, or sexual abuse. His formative wounds have left him unable or unwilling to fully commit himself to one other person. He may also seek sexual intensity outside his relationship as a way to self-medicate (escape from) his emotional and psychological pain.
- He has unreasonable expectations. He believes that his spouse should meet his every sexual and emotional need 24/7/365, without fail. In his narcissistic and self-focused way, he doesn’t understand that his spouse may be juggling multiple priorities (kids, work, home, finances, etc.) in addition to him and the relationship. When this spouse inevitably fails him (in his view), he feels entitled to seek intimate attention elsewhere.
- He is bored, overworked, or otherwise put-upon (in his mind), and feels deserving of something special that is just for him - something like hiring prostitutes, viewing porn, or having affairs. Or maybe he wants more attention from his mate and thinks a period of his pulling away will cause her to comply.
- He is confused about love. He mistakes limerence – the “rush” of early romance – with love. He does not understand that in truly loving relationships the early, visceral attraction is gradually replaced by sweeter feelings of longer-term attachment, honesty, commitment, and emotional intimacy.
- He is addicted. Perhaps he has an ongoing, problematic relationship with alcohol or drugs that affects his decision-making and disinhibits him. He may also have an issue with sexual compulsivity, meaning he uses sexual activity as a way to self-soothe, escape uncomfortable emotions, and dissociate from the pain of underlying psychological conditions.
- He wants out. He is looking to end his current relationship and is using external sexual and romantic activities to give his wife or girlfriend “the message” without having to be direct with her. Or, if he is one of those men who doesn’t like being alone, period, then finding a new and “better” person before leaving a current relationship provides a safer and softer landing.
- He lacks male-bonding and a peer community. Having undervalued his healthy need to maintain solid, supportive friendships and community with other men, his reaction to a busy or distracted spouse is all the more injurious – as he expects all of his emotional and physical needs to be met by this one person (read: Mom).
Where Do We Go From Here?
Interestingly, after working with hundreds of couples attempting to process and overcome a male partner’s cheating (or the female partner’s cheating, for that matter), it is clear to me that it’s not any specific sexual act that does the most damage to a committed relationship. Rather, it’s the ongoing pattern of secrets and lies that surrounds the process of cheating that causes a loving spouse the most pain. Again, it is the profound and oft-repeated betrayal of relationship trust that causes the most pain to a loving partner. And most cheated-on partners will agree that their feelings of being betrayed are just as profound when a loved one is giving himself away online as when there is a live, in-vivo affair.
Sadly, most men (and women) who choose to break a vow of monogamy made to an intimate partner don’t realize the profound effects their behavior can have on that loved-one. One recent and very importantscientific study found that the wives of men who’ve discovered a pattern of infidelity in their male partners often experience acute stress symptoms similar to those found in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Unsurprisingly, the emotional damage caused by infidelity can be difficult to overcome, even with the help of an experienced marriage or couples counselor. That said, if both partners are committed to behavior change and healing most relationships can be saved, even strengthened, after and despite the affair. For some wives and spouses, however, the repeated violation of trust is too much and they are unable to experience the necessary emotional safety required to rebuild a relationship and move on. In such cases, solid, neutral relationship therapy can help to help negotiate a break-up, offering direction for both individuals to move on with their lives.
Women are profoundly sensual and sexual creatures, just as much as men. Yet somehow the idea that a woman in a committed relationship might have physical urges that she wants satisfied elsewhere, especially if her current man isn’t quite, shall we say, up for the job, always seems to catch people by surprise. And let’s face it, our societal distaste and astonishment over this particular activity may be a bit… provincial, idealistic, Victorian, etc. Pick your term. Of course, our cultural stereotypes tell us that it’s most often males who are cheating on the women in their lives rather than vice versa, but current research reveals that in truth nearly as many women cheat as men. (Sex outside a primary relationship, if the relationship is “open” and the rules are followed, does not qualify as cheating.
Interestingly, the reasons men and women engage in relationship infidelity are often quite different, with each gender’s motivations generally paralleling our basic understanding of male and female sexuality. In short, women are usually interested in sex that includes (or at least hints at) some sort of emotional or relationship connection, while men are typically seeking a purely objectified sexual experience. Both scientific and nonscientific research confirms this dichotomy. For instance, a study by Rutgers University biological anthropologist Helen Fisher found that of men and women actively cheating on their spouse, 34 percent of the women said they were “happily married” whereas 56 percent of males felt that way. Thus, we see that women are more likely than men to have an affair when they’re not bonded in their primary relationship (and therefore are seeking that bond elsewhere), while men are more likely than women to have an affair despite feeling close to their wife. A nonscientific study conducted by Undercover Lovers, a UK-based extramarital dating site, may be even more enlightening. Among women who stated that they were actively cheating, 57 percent reported feeling love for their affair partner, while only 27 percent of the men said they felt love for their mistress. This type of information furthers the conclusion that women who cheat are much more likely than men to be seeking an emotional bond, and that they may in fact feel such a bond even if their affair partner does not.
Once upon a time infidelity partners were limited to your circle of friends and neighbors, and people you met via work, at a party, in a bar, or at a swingers club. Today, however, the playing field is – thanks to digital technology – quite literally endless. No longer is the pool of potential partners limited to people physically encountered in day-to-day life. And once again our cultural stereotype – that men love gadgets and technology and therefore are much more likely than women to engage in infidelity using these devices – is somewhat off-base. In fact, women today, especially the younger ones, are just as involved as men with digital technology. In many cases they are more involved. Texting and social media are prime examples. Women text more than men, and they are much more likely to utilize social media (Facebook, Instagram, and the like). And women typically post not just more often, but more openly. For the most part, women are seeking online what they seek in life – meaningful emotional connection. And if the digital connections they find come with an element of sexual stimulation, so be it.
If you’re reading this and wondering just how pervasive tech-driven infidelity actually is, consider the following: Ashley Madison, a website and smartphone app specifically designed to facilitate extramarital affairs, currently has more than 21 million members, up from 14 million less than two years ago! AM’s slogans are “Life is short, have an affair” (for men), and, “When divorce isn’t an option” (for women). Ninety percent of the males and 70 percent of the females on AM state in their profiles that they are married. And it’s not like you even have to be in the same city to hook up these days. In fact, thanks to webcams and other technologies, you don’t even need to be on the same continent. People all over the world are carrying on (or planning for) torrid digital encounters right this instant – texting, sexting, and cam-to-camming ‘til the cows come home.
Reasons Women Cheat
Even though most women who engage in relationship infidelity understand on some level that what they are doing is potentially harmful to both their relationship and their partner, they continue with the behavior. But why? Below are ten common reasons for female infidelity. (Before I’m accused of misogyny, please note that I’ll be writing about male cheaters in my next blog.)
- Low Self-Esteem: Women with low self-esteem, depression, unresolved childhood trauma, and other similar issues may seek validation through romantic and sexual activity. If someone wants them in “that way,” they feel worthwhile, desirable, wanted, needed, and loveable.
- Revenge: Sometimes women feel betrayed by their partner (usually either financially or sexually), and they use infidelity as a way to retaliate. Typically, women seeking revenge are not secretive about what they are doing.
- Loneliness and Neglect: Sometimes women feel more like a nanny, maid, mother, or financial provider than a wife or girlfriend. They may use sex outside the relationship as a way to fill the emotional void.
- Lack of Sizzle: Some women miss the exhilaration of meeting,flirting, dating, and forming new relationships. They find their ongoing, stable partnership boring so they chase the emotional high of finding and bonding with someone new.
- Lack of Sex at Home: As mentioned earlier, women are sexual creatures. They usually enjoy the physical act of lovemaking as much as men do, and they also enjoy the feeling of being wanted, needed, and desired. Sometimes women are much more sexual than their partner. If so, this can be problematic. Rather than end the relationship, they may seek a little sex on the side as a way to meet their physical needs.
- Lack of Intimacy at Home: Even if a woman is getting enough actual sex, that sex may not be fulfilling her desire for emotional connection. The simple truth is women, much more so than men, feel connected and valued through non-sexual emotional interactions such as gift-giving, being remembered, and talking. If these things are not happening at home, they may seek a connection elsewhere.
- Unrealistic Expectations: Some women expect their partner to meet their every need and desire (even when they don’t bother to share what those needs and desires are). When their partner inevitably fails them, these narcissistic women will sometimes turn to someone else.
- Lack of Female Social Support: A big part of healthy womanhood involves supportive female friendships and a sense of female community. Some women, especially those who experienced maternal abuse or neglect, undervalue this while concurrently overvaluing the attention of men. This can lead to infidelity.
- Wanting to Leave a Relationship: Some women find it easier to cheat, forcing their current partner to end the relationship, rather than ending it more directly or assertively. Other women know they want to leave, but they are not willing to do so until they’ve got another relationship lined up.
- Sex and/or Love Addiction: Some women engage in a never-ending stream of sex and romance as a way to self-regulate (not feel) uncomfortable emotions and the pain of underlying psychological conditions such as depression, severe anxiety, low self-esteem, and unresolved childhood trauma (often sexual innature).
What Does It All Mean?
Relationship infidelity can be incredibly damaging on many levels. Sadly, women who cheat often don’t realize (or choose to ignore) the fact that sexual and romantic betrayal hurts men just as much as women. Interestingly, it is usually not any specific sexual or romantic act that hurts the most. Instead, it’s the keeping of secrets and the constant lying that causes the most pain. This is doubly true when infidelity continues past the initial discovery, as it often does. And there are more types of infidelity than just sexual. In fact, financial infidelity (the keeping of financial secrets) is very, very common.
For many women who cheat, stopping the behavior is more difficult than they expect. This is because their reasons for doing what they do are usually long-buried and complex. Many women need the assistance of a skilled psychotherapist to parse through the layers of trauma, abuse, and neglect that drive their extramarital activity. If a couple is committed to remaining together, as most are, marriage/couples counseling can turn a crisis into a growth opportunity. If the woman turns out to be a sex or love addict, then more specialized treatment will be needed, such as that found in programs at the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles and the Center for Relationship and Sexual Recovery at The Ranch in Tennessee. Twelve-step support for women dealing with sex and loveaddiction is also helpful, and best found in Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Sadly, even when skilled therapists are involved, some couples are unable to overcome the damage and loss of trust caused by infidelity. In such cases, solid, neutral relationship therapy can help to facilitate the break-up and to process the relationship’s aftermath.